orgasms, sunshine & christmas

it’s hard to find the will to live, let alone post, when your usual supply of sunshine and orgasms becomes drastically reduced due to pre-holiday travels and stress. The only thing to really do during the holidays aside from considering suicide is lust after material things one hopes to be presented with by people who luv them. Here is a list of what i consider the best gifts for your most emotionally disabled friends.


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  1. A SAD light is intended to treat the aptly named “seasonal affective disorder”, and  emulates the natural light from the sun while it continues to vacation in the other hemisphere. Manufactured happiness at its finest!


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2. an extra-large dragon dick is sure to help your pals escape the monotony of a predictable day to day existence. This one is modeled from a fictional character called”kelvin the ice dragon.”


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3.  Last but not least, if the other gifts fail to provide that “holiday cheer” effect as much as the terrible grocery store music does, there’s always this inexpensive and eco-friendly corrugated cardboard coffin. HAPPY (or whatever) impending holidays!

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